Current mood:	hot
Current music:	Jets To Brazil - Morning New Disease

Jon: So... and, please, if I'm out of line or anything, don't hesitate to let me know... how was she?

Leon: Who?

Jon: Come on. The passionate artist? I bet that unibrow really did it for you.

Leon: Get bent.

Jon: Or was it the mustache?

Leon: Get bent!

Jon: Chill! Chill. I'm genuinely curious. She was a beautiful woman, you know, the fiery soul and all that. To tell you the truth, I'm kind of envious.

Leon: It was a pretty rocky romance, you know.

Jon: Well, of course. What worthwhile romance isn't a bit, you know, turbulent? At least there wasn't a conflict in the politics... that sort of thing gets real ugly, real fast.

Leon: I don't want to discuss politics.

Jon: By no means, we won't talk politics. Pass the ketchup.

Leon: Ugh, how can you tolerate that stuff?

Jon: What, ketchup? It's yummy and useful. I grew up on it.

Leon: Base consumerism, brand loyalty.

Jon: Whoa, whoa. Ketchup is not a "brand," it is a sauce. It's like having a preference for vodka over other drinks. It isn't a big deal. Besides, you should be totally about the ketchup.

Leon: About the ketchup? What about it?

Jon: Well, first of all, it is the most popular condiment in America, and probably the world. Secondly, it is red. It's the proletariat condiment!

Leon: Don't you talk to me about proletariat! We said we don?t discuss politics, and then you bring up the masses! Why can' you let this go? I don?t want these anymore. Have the rest of my nuggets.

Jon: You've got a real thick skull, you know that Leon?

Leon: (Sigh) Yeah, not thick enough.

Jon: (Shock of surprise and apology) Oh! Sorry. I forgot. The ice pick.

Leon: It was a mountain climber's axe.

Jon: Who was the mountain climber?

Leon: My gardener.

Jon: You hired a gardener?

Leon: Yes. And I know what you're getting at. And I want it to stop, now.

Jon: Right, right. It's difficult to talk to you without politics creeping up. What sort of thing do you do for fun in the twilight kingdom?

Leon: I've recently got really into badminton. And I play guitar in this band.

Jon: Yeah, the reggae jam band! I laughed my ass off when I heard about that. I hear you've got Haile Selassie on bass.

Leon: Yeah, he?s pretty cool.

Jon: Awesome, my friend Matt plays the bass.
(some silence)
I'm sorry. I have to ask.

Leon: Ask what?

Jon: You're going to get upset and turn all red.

Leon: What is that supposed to mean?

Jon: See? Exactly. You get so defensive. Why can't we just talk about it like normal people?

Leon: (loud and annoyed) Talk about what?

Jon: (leaning in, quiet) The revolution.

Leon: (Raging) Enough about revolution! I've put it behind me!

Jon: But you haven't! You're still so caught up in it.

Leon: Bullshit! You don?t fathom-

Jon: The ketchup. What the fuck was that all about? 'Base consumerism! Iron fist smash!' You sounded like fucking Lenin... or Ralph Nader.

Leon: Don't you talk about Lenin, that traitorous bastard!

Jon: Traitorous? What? He had some harsh words for you, yeah, but he was with you till the end. The vanguard!

Leon: Vladimir has become a lackey! A bourgeois lackey!

Jon: What?

Leon: You heard me!

Jon: Bourgeois? There are bourgeois in the afterlife?

Leon: Everywhere! Nothing but! Every weekend Lenin and Kruschev have barbeque and schmooze with Adam Smith and... fucking Ben Franklin! That guy is so full of himself!

Jon: Sounds rough... are there fascists?

Leon: Fascists! Bah! Mussolini has his own cooking show! Il Duce de Leche! You go to third nethersphere, first stop on your right is Francisco Franco's General Store. He thinks it funny! "General store!"

Jon: Man, must suck. Who is your opposition, then?

Leon: No opposition. Sometimes I pick on Ayatollah. I'm not proud of it.

Jon: Oh man. Aren't there any regular folk in the Great Beyond? Farmers and Tech Support and genocide victims?

Leon: Well, yeah, but who the fuck wants to hang out with a bunch of nobodies?

Jon: So you simply don't associate with anyone not mentioned by name in a World History text book?

Leon: You know, sometimes I get coffee with John Ritter. He?s a sweet guy. Kind of bland, though. No blood on his hands, you know?

Jon: Not stained with the taint of the historical nightmare?

Leon: Exactly.

Jon: Mmhmm. (sips soft drink)